WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
