Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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