You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
