big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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