I think my fart just growled at me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
