think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
