I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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