if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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