I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
