im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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