you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
