Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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