I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize