Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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