i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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