Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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