see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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