I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
