i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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