if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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