I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
