Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
