Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
