So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
