I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
