I seem to have left my pride at pride
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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