we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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