Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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