and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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