Well douche your snatch and let's go!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
