The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
