Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize