My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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