he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize