Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
