She's like a pop up book from hell.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
