After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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