My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
