Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
