I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
