My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
