By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
