some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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