and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize