Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
