I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
pray to the hookup gods
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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