Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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