there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
