**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize