sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
