...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
