You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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