hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Floor bacon is actually really good
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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