Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Michael Bay diarrhea
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize