The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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