OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
