What did we do last night that was yellow?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
where am i from again
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
