The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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