you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
