you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Operation Purity has been aborted
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
