We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
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