so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
