That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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