Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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