the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
