Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
