The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
