So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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