none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
