Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
