Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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