I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
