we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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