"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
