shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
