she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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