woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
