I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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