i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
