'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
