The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
