im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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