tell your sister to shave her snatch
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize