Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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