Dual....:-)
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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