He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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