Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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