My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
