Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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