I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
