god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
