nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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